powerrabbit Posted July 7, 2014 Share Posted July 7, 2014 An 86 year old shepherd had over a short period of time gained notoriety for his most excellent sheep breeding success, when being interviewed by a reporter for a National radio farming programme asking him to what he attributes this breeding success tells the reporter 'I think it's something to do with the special nuts I feed the ram'. The reporter asks 'What are these nuts like? The shepherd replies 'I don't really know if I can describe them really but they taste of peppermint'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
powerrabbit Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 Bit risky is this one! The old bull was getting on in years and becoming very lazy and not carrying out his duties within the herd so the farmer decides to replace him with a new younger bull. After purchasing the new bull and observing his activities over a period of time reports to his wife that he is very pleased with the new bull, his wife says 'you'd better watch him a bit longer, you might learn something from him to enhance your own performance!' 'That's all very well' he replies 'but he doesn't have to serve the same old cow all the time!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robbo Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 Been a very long time since we had a joke of the day but I heard this one and I just have to share it. Fact of the Day Did you know that we in the UK eat more bananas than monkeys? During 2014 we consumed 74,348,286 bananas.................................but only 6 monkeys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britainswomble Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 A very old but somewhat topical joke with the elections coming up! Now stop me if you've heard it before!! Margaret Thatcher, on her round the world trip visited China; where she met the equivalent of their prime minister. During their small talk; Margaret asked him, "How often do you have an election"? He thought for a moment and replied.......... "Evely morning plitty rady."!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JK Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 On their wedding night, the young bride Jodie, approached her new husband Marvin and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, Marvin readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed. Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find Marvin in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined. Calmly, Jodie handed him a bank book which showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank. She explained that for the more than three decades she had "charged" him to make love, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments. Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, Marvin was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!" That's when she shot him! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JK Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 A mother-in-law stopped by unexpectedly the recently married couple's house. She knocks on the door, then immediately walks in. She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm waiting for Jeff to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered. "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed. "This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained. "Love dress? But you're naked!" "Jeff loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy." The mother-in-law on the way home thought about the love dress. When she got home she got undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and expectantly waited for her husband, lying provocatively on the couch. Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her naked on the couch. "What are you doing?" he asked. "This is my love dress," she replied. "Needs ironing," he says" "What's for dinner?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JK Posted November 8, 2015 Share Posted November 8, 2015 Another Joke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JK Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 Not my job winner? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnP Posted November 22, 2015 Share Posted November 22, 2015 About time I added one...... A rugby league fan is drinking in a bar down South when he gets a call on his mobile phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has just given birth to a typical Yorkshire baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the rugby fan just shrugs and replies, "That's about average in Yorkshire ... like I said, my boy's a typical Yorkshire baby boy. Gonna be a rugby league player." Congratulations showered him from all around, amid many exclamations of "WOW!" One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, aren't you the father of that typical Yorkshire baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth? Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So, how much does he weigh now?" The proud father answers, "Twenty pounds." The bartender is puzzled, concerned and a little suspicious. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!" The Yorkshireman takes a slow swig of his Sam Smith's, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says,"Had him circumcised..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
powerrabbit Posted December 11, 2015 Share Posted December 11, 2015 Why did the Christmas tree go back to the forest? He wanted to find his roots. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JK Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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