NIGEL FORD Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Have you heard about the new love-making position..... it's called the plumber... you stay in all morning and no-one comes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the other green Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Have you heard about the new love-making position..... it's called the plumber... you stay in all morning and no-one comes. :D :D :D :D :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Ferguson Posted June 29, 2007 Share Posted June 29, 2007 George Bush has a heart attack and dies. Obviously, he goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. "I'm not sure what to do," says the devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. As you definitely have to stay here, so I'm going to have to let some-one else go. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves." George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The devil opened the first room. In it were Richard Nixon and a large pool of hot water. He kept diving in and climbing out, over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could stay in hot water all day." The devil led him to the next room. In It was Tony Blair with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, time after time. "No!" I've got this problem with my shoulder. "I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day", commented George. The devil opened a third door.In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said,"Yeah, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said,"OK, Monica, you're free to go!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted June 29, 2007 Share Posted June 29, 2007 :D Try this one.... (mods delete this please if it's too riskay for FTF)... RODEO SEX... Enter your partner from behind... reach round and grab her breasts.... and call her by a different name Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THEBRITFARMER Posted June 29, 2007 Share Posted June 29, 2007 :D Try this one.... (mods delete this please if it's too riskay for FTF)... RODEO SEX... Enter your partner from behind... reach round and grab her breasts.... and call her by a different name Okay I just read this one out loud and no one gets it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Ferguson Posted June 29, 2007 Share Posted June 29, 2007 Okay I just read this one out loud and no one gets it Phew Scot... glad it wasn't just me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted June 29, 2007 Share Posted June 29, 2007 Are you kidding me :o EVERYONE I told that too loves it... can someone please explain it... Oh... sod it I will... So... Imagine being in the act of "love"... and calling your wife/partner by a different name... what would happen... would that not become a rodeo ride... with you hanging on... as one would a rodeo ride Renmind me NEVER to tell you all the Giovani joke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kris Posted June 29, 2007 Share Posted June 29, 2007 well i got it first time and im only 16 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted June 29, 2007 Share Posted June 29, 2007 well i got it first time and im only 18 Oh... glad you are 18 \ :o - I think this post needs deleting mods But well done son... :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC Posted July 2, 2007 Share Posted July 2, 2007 A muslim has crashed his car into the Ulley reservoir in Rotherham, Police believe it could be the start of Ramadam. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
batcher Posted July 2, 2007 Share Posted July 2, 2007 A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are in a breast stroke race. The starter's gun goes off and the three girls dive into the pool. The brunette and the redhead shoot across the pool and get out; 20 minutes later the blonde reaches the end and gets out. The judge says, "The gold medal goes to the brunette, the silver medal goes to the redhead, and the bronze goes to the blonde". The blonde says, "I don't want to be a sore loser, but I think the other girls were using their arms." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
COWBOY Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 police have named the pakistani driver of the cherokee at glassgow airport as.... Sinj Majeep!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Ferguson Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves." The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, " ?5,000 for a male brain, and ?200 for a female brain." The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?" The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nashmach Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 Heard this one the other day - really would need to meet the man to get a laugh out of it but anyway. He was out in his garden one evening trying to get the lawnmower to start and he heard this helicopter coming along - oh probably the ESB checking the power lines he thought. Anyways five minutes later it landed in the field next door - and he thought I've been done for backyard burning but who walks out only his brother from England. Well after the usual talk, the brother says we'll go down to local for a few pints. But your man says I have to cut the lawns first. So the brother says leave the lawns to me you go in and get ready. So off he went to scrub up wonder how the brother would get all the lawn done in a short space of time. After a while he went out and lo and behold there was the brother flying the helicopter upside down................. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves." The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, " ?5,000 for a male brain, and ?200 for a female brain." The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?" The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used." Thats a cracker Mandy... you do come out with some good ones You have typed it the wrong way around sadly... it's Mens that get marked down I believe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 Not sure if this is the right place for this, but it made me laugh......and cry.......would like to have spent some time in Sweden Can you spot the difference...... Swedish Vs British nightclubs http://www.jacatu.de/wbb2/t7850-swedish-versus-british-nightclubs.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powerstarâ„¢ Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 Marky! Didn't know you still went clubbing mate! I see the Volvic water has a good effect on your dancing skills! Your filled with Volcanicity! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Datman Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 hahaha, thats awesome about the clubs, so good, and so bad... :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BGU Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 It would be funny if it wasn't true!!! :D Sweden her I come................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
COWBOY Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 i think u should organise a ftf trip to sweden bgu!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 Marky! Didn't know you still went clubbing mate! I see the Volvic water has a good effect on your dancing skills! Your filled with Volcanicity! :D :D flipping cheek... had to look twice though... thought it was me for a minute :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powerstarâ„¢ Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 :D :D Your such a good sport! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
batcher Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 She was so blonde that -She sent me a fax with a stamp on it. -She tripped over the cordless phone. -She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. -She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. -At the bottom of the application where is says "Sign here", she wrote Sagittarius. -If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless. -When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved. -She got an AM radio. It took her 9 months to figure out that she could use it at night. -She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 She was so blonde that -She sent me a fax with a stamp on it. -She tripped over the cordless phone. -She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. -She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. -At the bottom of the application where is says "Sign here", she wrote Sagittarius. -If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless. -When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved. -She got an AM radio. It took her 9 months to figure out that she could use it at night. -She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate". Now they are funny Stevo... laugh out loud ones they are :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 indeed some classics! :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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