new holland driver Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 i ant thats at about hes level if this wasnt in the joke section i would think you where being seruios Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powerstarâ„¢ Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 I came in to the carpark at work, and i saw a sandwich on the floor, it wasn't any old sandwich i believe it was a bomb because there were two wires coming out, well i rang up the bomb disposal unit and said, " I've found a bomb disguised as a sandwich in the carpark where i work" They said " Is it ticking?" I said " No it's beef" :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THEBRITFARMER Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 A man wakes up in the recovery room after a horrific accident. Doctor Doctor he cries................I can't feel my legs. To which the Doctor replie.."I know we had to amputate both your arms. :D :D Guy goes into the butchers and ask for a pound of sausage. The lady behind the counter says it's kilos now. Well give us a pound of bloody kilos then says the guy. :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 :D sides splitting :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powerstarâ„¢ Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 My mate came up to me and said I just made love to a two foot nun. I said don't be silly there is no such thing. With that the vicar came along, I said " Vicar do you have any two foot nuns living in your parish?" "No i don't "Do you know of any two foot nuns in the UK?" I said "No I don't believe there are any" He said "How about any two foot nuns in the world?" He said "To be honest I don't think you can get a two foot nun" I looked at my mate and said, haha I thought you sh@gged a penguin :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
civilpek Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 what do you call a fly with no wings? A walk, haha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IH885XLMAN Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 whats black and white and eats like a hores ?? a zebra ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
civilpek Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
civilpek Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 whats the height of wishful thinking? a mouse with an erection floating down the thames shouting "LIFT THE BRIDGE LIFT THE BRIDGE" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes (Must Read Out Loud) 1) That?s not right Sum Ting Wong 2) Are you harbouring a fugitive Hu Yu Hai Ding 3) See me ASAP Kum Hia 4) Stupid Man Dum *** 5) Small Horse Tai Ni Po Ni 6) Did you go to the beach Wai Yu So Tan 7) I bumped the coffee table Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni I think you need a face lift Chin Tu Fat 9) It?s Very dark in here Wai So Dim 10) I Thought you were on a diet Wai Yu Mun Ching 11) This is a tow away zone No Pah King 12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week Wai Yu Kum Nao 13) Staying out of sight Lei Ying Lo 14) He?s cleaning his automobile Wa Shing Ka 15) Your body odor is offensive Yu Stin Ki Pu 16) Great Fa Kin Su Pah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 thats classic Mark! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 Thanks Ben - can't believe no one else liked that - Made me giggle anyway Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dj mac Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 very funny :D :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 A Rabbit hops into a butchers shop and asks the butcher "Have you got any carrots?" "No, you'll need to go down the road to the greengrocers for those" The butcher replies so off the bunny hops.... Next day, The rabbit hops into the butchers shop and asks the butcher "Have you got any carrots?" "No, you'll need to go down the road to the greengrocers for those" The butcher replies so off the bunny hops.... Next day, The rabbit hops into the butchers shop and asks the butcher "Have you got any carrots?" "No, you'll need to go down the road to the greengrocers for those and if you come in here and ask for carrots again I'll nail those floppy ears of yous to the counter" The butcher replies, so off the bunny hops.......... Next day the bunny hops into the butchers shop and asks "Have you got any nails?" "No" replies the butcher ........ Oh... Have you got any carrots then?? :D :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powerstarâ„¢ Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 Lots of variations on that joke F-P, myself and TM are probably more familiar with a Duck asking for Fish & Chips (Jethro Classic) and the way he tells it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 Doh.... thanks for the encouragement Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
new holland driver Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 did any of you here about the 2 *** gost that put the whillys up each over Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 Or the two scotish poofs - Ben Doon and Phill McCrevis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MJB1 Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 a horse walks into a pub & the landlord says ,'why the long face' :D :D in bed last night the wife said 'set the alarm for six' ,i replied why ?, theres only the two of us !' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 What do you call an Aardvark who keeps getting his head kicked in?? Vark Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CCF Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes (Must Read Out Loud) 1) That?s not right Sum Ting Wong 2) Are you harbouring a fugitive Hu Yu Hai Ding 3) See me ASAP Kum Hia 4) Stupid Man Dum *** 5) Small Horse Tai Ni Po Ni 6) Did you go to the beach Wai Yu So Tan 7) I bumped the coffee table Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni I think you need a face lift Chin Tu Fat 9) It?s Very dark in here Wai So Dim 10) I Thought you were on a diet Wai Yu Mun Ching 11) This is a tow away zone No Pah King 12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week Wai Yu Kum Nao 13) Staying out of sight Lei Ying Lo 14) He?s cleaning his automobile Wa Shing Ka 15) Your body odor is offensive Yu Stin Ki Pu 16) Great Fa Kin Su Pah Good lord marky that got me laughing! :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 Glad you liked it CCF - it made me chuckle I can tell you :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powerstarâ„¢ Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 There's 2 poofs playing golf, and the first poof, Gregory, is about to tee off when a golf ball smacks him on the head and knocked the poor bugger out. The other poof goes " oh gregory look they have ruined your poor face, you have a huge lump it's horrible" With the same an American walks over, " i'm sorry for hitting your partner on the head with the ball is he ok?" " i'm gonna sue you for every bloody penny you've got" replies the poof. The american says " you can kiss my ass" And the poof says to the other poof, " it's ok he's going to settle it out of court"!! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Needed to ring my mate Billy last night but I thought it was a bit late, I rang him up and to my suprise he answered "i thought you might of gone bed, bit late for you" i said "no" he said "i'm waiting to put the cat out but he hasn't come in yet!!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Readers Digest conned me, the buggers, they said I had one a years supply of calenders but I only got one. :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NIGEL FORD Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 a horse walks into a pub & the landlord says ,'why the long face' :D :D in bed last night the wife said 'set the alarm for six' ,i replied why ?, theres only the two of us !' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NIGEL FORD Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 a horse walks into a pub & the landlord says ,'why the long face' :D :D in bed last night the wife said 'set the alarm for six' ,i replied why ?, theres only the two of us !' Very good, I hope you were rewarded for your wit, or did you feign a headache? ? On a similar note: A polar bear walks up to the bar on his hind legs & asks the barman.."Can I have a.................................... ................................................pint of bitter please? To which the barman says.."Why the big pause?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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