Barry Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 I see what F-P has done there..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC Posted October 17, 2007 Share Posted October 17, 2007 Well bugg3r me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 You've most likely heard it before but I find it funny..... Little Sally came home from school and with a smile on her face and told her mother. 'Frank Brown showed me his willy today!' Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, 'It reminded me of a peanut' Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mom asked, 'Really small was it?' Sally replied, 'No... salty!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 Illegal Immigrants Poem I cross ocean, poor and broke. Take bus, see employment folk. Nice man treat me good in there. Say I need to see welfare. Welfare say, "You come no more, we send cash right to your door." Welfare cheques - they make you wealthy! NHS - it keep you healthy! By and by, I got plenty money. Thanks to you, British dummy! Write to friends in motherland. Tell them "come fast as you can." They come in turbans and Ford trucks. I buy big house with welfare bucks! They come here, we live together. More welfare cheques, it gets better! Fourteen families, they moving in, but neighbour's patience wearing thin. Finally, white guy moves away. Now I buy his house,then I say, "Find more aliens for house to rent." And in the yard I put a tent. Everything is very good, and soon we own the neighbourhood. We have hobby, it's called breeding.Welfare pay for baby feeding. Kids need dentist? Wife need pills? We get free! We got no bills! Britain crazy! They pay all year, To keep welfare running here. We think UK darn good place. Too darn good for the white man race! If they no like us, they can scram. Got lots of room in Pakistan! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MODELFARMER Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish Garda. > He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a London lawyer, > from London, and is certain that he has a better education than any > paddy cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the > Garda's expense!! > > Irish Garda says," License and registration, please." > London Lawyer says, "What for?" > Irish Garda replies, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the Stop > sign." > London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming." > Irish Garda says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License And > registration, please." > London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?" > Irish Garda says, "The difference is, you have to come to complete stop, > that's the law. License and registration, please!" > > London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between > "slow down" and "stop", I'll give you my license and registration and > you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the > ticket." > Irish Garda says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir." > The London lawyer exits his vehicle. > > The Irish Garda takes out his baton and starts beating the f*ck out of > the lawyer with it and says, "Do you want me to stop, or just slow > down?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy" A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powerstarâ„¢ Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 Standards are slipping there Jase Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiwi6920 Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 its like watching old cartoons now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC Posted October 26, 2007 Share Posted October 26, 2007 its like watching old cartoons now Turn the TV off then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry Posted October 26, 2007 Share Posted October 26, 2007 What did the fish say when it hit a wall? Dam! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punk Posted October 26, 2007 Share Posted October 26, 2007 i was in a pharmacy recently and i overheard this an elderly customer asked the assistant if they stocked 'vina' she did not understand another assistant helped out do you mean viagra sir yes, yes.. i do that is it.. we do stock viagra she replies could i get it over the counter then he asked? well sir if you took two you might!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
powerrabbit Posted October 26, 2007 Share Posted October 26, 2007 There was a young lady named Joan who went to the dentists alone, in a fit of depravity, he filled the wrong cavity. She nurses the filling at home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FNHIR Posted October 26, 2007 Share Posted October 26, 2007 A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish Garda. > He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a London lawyer, > from London, and is certain that he has a better education than any > paddy cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the > Garda's expense!! > > Irish Garda says," License and registration, please." > London Lawyer says, "What for?" > Irish Garda replies, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the Stop > sign." > London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming." > Irish Garda says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License And > registration, please." > London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?" > Irish Garda says, "The difference is, you have to come to complete stop, > that's the law. License and registration, please!" > > London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between > "slow down" and "stop", I'll give you my license and registration and > you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the > ticket." > Irish Garda says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir." > The London lawyer exits his vehicle. > > The Irish Garda takes out his baton and starts beating the f*ck out of > the lawyer with it and says, "Do you want me to stop, or just slow > down?" Nice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Owd Bob Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 A trainspotter got too close to an oncoming steam engine and was knocked down and killed. He must have died happy though.... Because........ He was CHUFFED to bits..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leakeyvale Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 A trainspotter got too close to an oncoming steam engine and was knocked down and killed. He must have died happy though.... Because........ He was CHUFFED to bits..... OUCHHH CHHH CHHHH CHHHH (sorry couldn't resist it) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 A trainspotter got too close to an oncoming steam engine and was knocked down and killed. He must have died happy though.... Because........ He was CHUFFED to bits..... :D well done Owd Bob... thats mind kind of joke... as you know Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Ferguson Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 A trainspotter got too close to an oncoming steam engine and was knocked down and killed. He must have died happy though.... Because........ He was CHUFFED to bits..... Wonderful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
powerrabbit Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 Did you hear about the homosexual that was electrocuted? He went up in a poof of smoke. (Delete if inapropriate) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NIGEL FORD Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 and the homosexual sparrow that flew on his back for a lark. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
powerrabbit Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 Also the homosexual rabbit. Had a hare up his a**. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Ferguson Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 So... Trevor the farmer was in the fertilised egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets' and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilise the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so Trevor could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells. The farmer's favourite rooster was old Gordon, and a very fine specimen he was too. But on this particular morning Trevor noticed old Gordon's bell hadn't rung at all! Trevor went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But to farmer Trevor's amazement, Gordon had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. Trevor was so proud of Gordon, he entered him in the West Berks County Fair and Gordon became an overnight sensation among the judges. As a result the judges not only awarded Gordon the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well. Clearly Gordon was a politician in the making: Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention. Do you know a Pullitician called Gordon? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 Not bad for a bird! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Ferguson Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 Not bad for a bird! And to think I nearly chickened out of posting it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fendt-man-matty Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 And to think I nearly chickened out of posting it deere oh deere mandy just stick to the one joke a day oj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Ferguson Posted November 1, 2007 Share Posted November 1, 2007 deere oh deere mandy just stick to the one joke a day oj Oooo was that a fowl.... (sorry Matty... can't help myself ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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