joke of the day!!

[robbo]

1 . Two blondes walk into a building...........you'd think at least one

of them would have seen it.

2. Phone answering machine message - '....If you want to buy marijuana,

press the hash key...'

3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.

The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'

4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't

find any.

5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he

couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said,

'No, the steaks are too high.'

6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

7 . A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,

'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!'

The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'.

8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.

9.. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the

craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak

and heat it.

10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.

Doc says 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'

12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home'

'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'

13. A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, isthere anything you can do for him?''Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him'

So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth.Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Becaus he'scross-eyed?' 'No, because he's really heavy'

14. Guy goes into the doctor's. 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside.'

'How's that?''Don't you start.'

15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!

16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, Or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin.

19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round.' The other one says 'So are you, you fat bast**d!'

20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid,and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

21. 'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.'

22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in several places'

The doctor said, 'Well don't go there anymore'

23. Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[SPN]

Real story by a Man who was standing in a queue in Tesco's   

I  have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Winalot in Tesco and was

standing in the queue at the till. A woman behind me asked if I had a

dog .  On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet

again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital

last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive

care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both

arms. 

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way

that it works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets and

simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is

nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to

mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled

with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.  Horrified, she

asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had

been poisoned. I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the road

licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have  a heart attack he was laughing so hard

as he staggered out the door.   

Stupid cow...........why else would I buy dog food? 

[fendt-man-matty]

a migit was throwin off a nudist beach

he was really annoyed at this and asks the beachquard why he was throwin out....

beachquard says... ''cause you were sticking your nose into everyones business!!''

[Powerstarâ„¢]

:D

Is that why your holiday ended quick Tris?

[KIWINZ]

Mr Cadbury and Miss Rowntree met on a Double Decker, it was After Eight.

She was from Quality Street , he was a Fisherman's Friend.

On the way they stopped at a Yorkie Bar, he had a Rum and Butter, she had

a Wine Gum.

He asked her name, "Polo, I'm the one with the hole" she said. "I'm the

one with the nuts," he thought! Then he touched her Milky Way.

They checked in to a hotel, and went straight to the bedroom. Mr Cadbury

turned out the light for a bit of Black Magic.

It wasn't long before he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt her

Cream Egg. He fondled her Flap Jacks then he showed her his Curly Wurly and

Tic Tacs.

Miss Rowntree wasn't keen to have any Jelly Babies, so she let him take a

trip down Bourneville Boulevard via her Party Ring. He was pleased as he

always fancied a bit of Fudge. It was a magic moment as she let out a

scream of Turkish Delight.

When he pulled out, his fun size Mars Bar felt a bit Crunchie. She wanted

more, but he needed Time Out, however, he noticed her Pink Wafers looked

very appetizing. He did a Twirl, had a Picnic in her Sherbet Dip and

finished off by giving her a Gob Stopper!

Unfortunately, Mr Cadbury then had to go home to his wife, Caramel.

Sadly, 3 days later his Magnum lolly started to drip. It turned out Miss

Rowntree had been with Bertie Basset who had Allsorts...

[btw i found this on the internet]

[Powerstarâ„¢]

Cunjours up such a bad image  :D

Although I like the sound of flapjack fondling  :D

[batcher]

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day. She

wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them.

Generally the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed that she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure, they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife said, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic

devices?"

He hadn't - and said so. Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a

towel and our big Radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find

out what she's really doing."

Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up &down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man then walked up the beach and met his wife at the road.

Well, Is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly. No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

Well, what is it then? What does she do?" his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said, "She's a battery salesperson."

"Batteries?" cried the wife.

"Yes ....." he replied -

OOOH - Now this is going to kill you

OOOOH - You're gonna hate me for this -

but it will make your day!!!

she sells C cells by the sea shore!"   

[batcher]

Captain Diego Montoya Garcia, of the spanish Armada flagship "Quando" was on the deck one day when his first mate ran up to him and cried "Captain! There's an enemy ship on the horizon!"

Captain Diego turned a calm eye to his mate and said "Bring me my red shirt."

The first mate ran and got the captains red shirt, which he put on.

A fierce battle raged and the Quando was victorious. After the battle, the first mate asked the captain "Sir, why do you don a red shirt before battle?"

The captain yawned bravely and said "If I am wounded in battle, the men will not see me bleeding, and they will be inspired."

The mate was in awe of his wise captain. Just then, another crewman ran up to the captain and cried "Captain! There are twenty enemy ships on the horizon!"

The captain turned to his first mate and ordered "Bring me my brown pants."

[Light Land]

One for Gavin....

Q What did the snowman say to the other snowman?

A I smell carrots.

[batcher]

A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from ?250 to ?500 in price, the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the sheerest item pays the ?500 and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

Upstairs, the wife thinks, 'I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the ?500 refund for myself.'

So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for ?500, they'd at least iron it!'

He never heard the shot.

Funeral on Friday at Noon.

Closed coffin. 

[Leakeyvale]

In the beginning God created day and night. He created day for golf matches, going to the beach andBBQ's

He created night for goingprawning,sleepingandBBQ's,and God saw that it was good.

On theSecond Day, God created water - for surfing, swimming and BBQ's on the beach, and God saw that it was good.

On the Third Day God created the Earth to bring forth plants- to provide malt and yeast for beer and wood forBBQs, and God saw that it was good.

On the Fourth Day God created animals and crustaceans for chops, sausages, steaks and prawns for BBQ's, and God saw that it was good.

On the Fifth day God created a Bloketo go play golf, enjoy the beach,drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at BBQ's, and God saw that it was good.

On the Sixth Day God saw that the Bloke was lonely and needed someone to go to golf with, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around thebarbiewith. So God created Mates,and God saw that they were good Blokes,and God saw that it was good.

On the Seventh Day God looked around at the twinkling barbie fires, heard the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all the Blokes. He smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns and God Saw that it was good ... ...

Well. Almost good.

He saw that the Blokes were too tired to clean up and needed a rest.

So God created Sheilas to clean the house, to bear children, to wash, to cook and to clean the Barbie, and then God saw that it was not just good. It was better than that, it was Bloody Awesome!

[griffithsbros]

remember that plane crashing into a house a couple of weeks ago well the couple that were in the house at the time said "well theres one thing for shore...  ...  we wont be leaving the landing light on again"

:D

[BC]

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked 'Is my time up?'

God said, 'No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.'

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a

face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had

someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth! Since

she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make

the most of it.

After her final operation, she was released from the hospital. However,

while crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an

ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, 'I thought you said I had

another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the

ambulance?'

(You'll love this)

- God replied: 'I didn't bloody recognize you.'

[robbo]

The 5 Minute Management Course

A guide for future success.

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you ?500 to drop that towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her ?500 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the ?500 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'

Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'

Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'

The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough str ength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bull **** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of **** is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep ****, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

[griffithsbros]

This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was

transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care

department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was

fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect

organization for 'Termination without Cause.'

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support

employee.  (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'

Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'

Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'

Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'

Operator: 'Went away?'

Caller: 'They disappeared'

Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'

Caller: 'Nothing.'

Operator: 'Nothing??'

Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.

Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'

Caller: 'How do I tell?'

Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen??'

Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'

Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'

Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'

Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'

Caller: 'What's a monitor?'

Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'

Caller: 'I don't know.'

Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'

Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'

Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.

Caller: 'Yes, it is.'

Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'

Caller: 'No.'

Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'

Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'

Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'

Caller: 'I can't reach.'

Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is??'

Caller: 'No.'

Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'

Caller: 'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.'

Operator: 'Dark??'

Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.'

Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'

Caller: 'I can't.'

Operator: 'No? Why not??'

Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'

Operator: 'A power ..... A power failure ? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now.  Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?

Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'

Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'

Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'

Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'

Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'

Operator: 'Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!'

i think that deservese a numpty this joke is a few pages back

[Lady Ferguson]

A man and a woman who had never met before,and were married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly..... he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.'

'I have a better idea,' she replied. 'Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married.'

'Wow, that's a great idea!' he exclaimed

'Good,' she replied. 'Get your own f*cking blanket !!'

After a moment of silence, he farted.

The End

[Leakeyvale]

....Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'

Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'

Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'

Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'

Operator: 'Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!'

I have only just seen this and OH BOY it is what I want to say sometimes when on the support line.  Some people should never USE computers never mind own them.

I shall think of this tomorrow when I AM on support

[Lady Ferguson]

I'm not usually one for posting warnings about potential scams but I had a close call yesterday.

I walked into B&Q hardware store at lunchtime and some old guy dressed in a black shirt with an orange apron on asked me if I wanted decking.

Fortunately, I got the first punch in and sorted the bastard out.

Those less suspecting might not be so lucky.

Pass this warning on ..

[luke p]

I'm not usually one for posting warnings about potential scams but I had a close call yesterday.

I walked into B&Q hardware store at lunchtime and some old guy dressed in a black shirt with an orange apron on asked me if I wanted decking.

Fortunately, I got the first punch in and sorted the Plonker out.

Those less suspecting might not be so lucky.

Pass this warning on ..

haha good one did not no girls where go at punching  :D

[51MON]

very good mandy

[batcher]

Subject: 12 of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio

1. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.'

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'

3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her ****** this morning and it was amazing!'

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.'

5. US PGA Commentator - 'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ..... Oh my god !! What have I just said??'

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.'

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.'

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: 'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this. '

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: 'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.'

11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: 'They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.'

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: 'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.' 

[luke p]

now that is very funny  :D

[Leakeyvale]

There is nothing funnier than the truth

Real conversation with a Farm Secretary some years ago when I worked for a software house

Sec:  "I need a new laptop"

Tech:  "You all had new laptops 3 months ago"

Sec    "It isn't working and I have to go on-site today"

Tech: "New laptop will have to be ordered - may be a week or so.  What is wrong with the old one, we should be able to fix it"

Sec  " Er... ...ummmm....  ...I spilt a cup of coffee over the keyboard"

Tech " We hould be able to dry it off and clean it"

Sec  " Er....  .....ummmm....  ... don't think so....

....well.... 

... you see...

... I put it in the oven of the AGA and it melted!"

Absolutely true! 

[robbo]

Golf has given us some unusual and colourful terms to describe shots -- shank, chili-dip, skull, duck-hook, worm-burner, etc.  Here are some new ones to add to your vocabulary. 

A *James Joyce* - an impossible read 

A *Rock Hudson * - looked straight, but wasn't. 

A *Cuban* - needed one more revolution 

An *Adolf Hitler* - two shots in the bunker 

A *Saddam Hussein* - from one bunker straight into another 

A *Yasser Arafat* - ugly and in the sand 

A *Kate Winslett* - little bit fat but otherwise perfect 

A *John Kennedy, Jr.* - didn't make it over the water 

An *Elephant's Ass* - it's high and it stinks 

A *Rodney King* - over-clubbed 

An *O.J. Simpson* - got away with it 

A *Princess Grace* - should have taken a driver 

A *Princess Di* - shouldn't have taken a driver 

A *George W.* - steadily fading 

A *circus tent* - a BIG top 

An *Anna Kournikova* - looks great, but unlikely to get a result 

An *Elton John *- a big bender that lips the rim 

A *Brazilian* - Shaved the hole 

 

A *Paris Hilton* - an expensive hole 

 

A *condom* - safe, but didn't feel very good 

[james f]

Pretty sure this is a new one, it came from accross the water:

Three tortoises, Mick, Alan and Les, decide to go on a

      picnic. So Mick packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches.

            The trouble is the picnic site is ten miles away so it takes

            them ten days to get there.

            When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer. 'Ok Les

            give me the bottle opener.'

            'I didn't bring it,' says Les. 'I thought you

        packed it.'

            Mick gets worried, He turns to Alan, 'Did you bring the bottle

            opener??'

            Naturally Alan didn't bring it. So they're stuck ten miles

from

            home without a bottle opener.

            Mick and Alan beg Les to go back for it, but he refuses as he

            says they will eat all the sandwiches.

            After two hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise

            lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees.

            So Les sets off down the road at a steady pace.

            Twenty days pass and he still isn't back and Mick and Alan

            starving, but a promise is a promise.

            Another five days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a

            promise.

            Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a

            Sandwich  each, and  just as they are about to eat it, Les pops

            up from behind a  rock  and shouts........

            'I KNEW IT...I'M NOT F*CKING GOING!'