Udimore Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 And it would be rude not too "queue hopper" I just won't let it lie ;D Who invited him to queue hop that's what i would like to know Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MODELFARMER Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Marky NOW THERE'S A JOKE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james f Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 A few nice Irish phrases from two stalwarts of RTE! I'm as sick as a small hospital I'm so hungry I'd eat a small child She had a face on her like a well slapped arse You're as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit My mouth's as dry as a nuns crack He has rubber-lined pockets so he can steal soup He thinks manual labour is a Spanish musician As funny as a burning orphanage He's so camp, he shits tent pegs I'm as sick as a plane to Lourdes I feel like a boiled shite (hungover) (when leaving) I'm off like a debs dress She had a face on her that would drive rats from a barn As busy as the dalkey dole office Sweatin' like a paedophile in a Barney suit As tight as a nun's knickers I'm so horny I'd get up on the crack of dawn I'd crawl a million miles across broken glass to kiss the exhaust of the van that took her dirty knickers to the laundry. Up and down like a hoor's knickers No show pony but would do for a ride around the house Did your mother find out who your father is yet? What would ye expect from a pig but a grunt I left her with a face like a painters radio A mickey the size of a double-value can of Right Guard Jaysus, she could breastfeed a cr?che As fit as a butcher's dog She> '> s got more chins than a Chinese phone book Not even the tide would take her out Mother Teresa wouldn't kiss her Daz wouldn't shift her Des Kelly wouldn't lay her A sniper wouldn't take her out Jaysus, ya wouldn't ride her into battle If I'd a bag of bruised willies I wouldn't give her one She has a face on her like a bulldog that's just licked piss off a nettle She wouldn't get a kick in a stampede She had a f@nny like a badly packed kebab If I'd a garden full of mickeys I wouldn't let her look over the wall Give her a boot in the arse and a bucket of mickeys would fall out of her Your one has an arse on her like two young fellas fighting in a tent He had a grip like Brian Kennedy in a mickey factory Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james f Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 An Irish Prayer (think of mass...) We believe in one drink, Guinness the almighty Makers of cans and bottles Of all that is drunk and un-drunk We believe in one brewer, Arthur The only son of Guinness Eternally begotten of the hops Hops from hops, barley from barley True drink from true drink Begotten not made Of one distillery of the Father Through it all things were made For us men and our salvation It comes down from St. James Gate By the power of the market he became incarnate And was made a rich man For our sake we are crucified under Pontious Prices Bad pints, suffer hangovers and A.A. meetings On the next day we rise again in accordance With our scruples and ascend into oblivion We come again to judge the living and the dead We believe in one alcoholic beverage Brewed and bottled under one licence We acknowledge one Arthur, son of the almighty pint Conceived in heaven and sold on earth Blessed is the one drink through one father and many sons Sold under one label and distributed throughout the world We look for the resurrection of new drinks And a cure for hangovers. Amen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deere-est Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 What have John Prescott and an MFI flatpack got in common? A couple of screws in the wrong place and whole Cabinet falls apart!! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 What have John Prescott and an MFI flatpack got in common? A couple of screws in the wrong place and whole Cabinet falls apart!! :D where did you hear that?? i heard it thursday night, told by Harry Scott :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deere-est Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 Me old man had it come through as a text earlier today. Quality isn't it?!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 Me old man had it come through as a text earlier today. Quality isn't it?!! yep, there was also another few he had, most of his were story like so you cant really single them out :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NIGEL FORD Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 A load of nunns gather in the convent Mother superior says to them that she has discovered a case of gonareah Another nunn says "Good cous i'm fed up with chardonay" Little johnny is walking down the street dragging a piece of string the vicar stops him and asks "why are you dragging that piece of string" johnny replies "You ever tried pushing the fu--ing thing" So you want some nun jokes....? With apologies if they've been posted before: Two nuns cycling down a cobble street, one says to the other- "I've never come this way before!" Two nuns giggling on their way down to the Monastery, one says to the other- "It's been a long time since Benedictus !" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted May 7, 2006 Share Posted May 7, 2006 So you want some nun jokes....? With apologies if they've been posted before: Two nuns cycling down a cobble street, one says to the other- "I've never come this way before!" Two nuns giggling on their way down to the Monastery, one says to the other- "It's been a long time since Benedictus !" Two nuns in the bath... one say where's the soap... the other says... yes it does doesn't it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james f Posted May 8, 2006 Share Posted May 8, 2006 Two nuns in the bath... one say where's the soap... the other says... yes it does doesn't it ??? ??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james f Posted May 8, 2006 Share Posted May 8, 2006 Two nuns were sitting on a park bench when a man came up and flashed them. One of them had a stroke...... ....the other one couldnt reach!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted May 8, 2006 Share Posted May 8, 2006 ??? ??? Wears the soap... where's the soap - get it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Udimore Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta Journal. SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting... Please scroll down..... Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week-old black Labrador retriever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IH885XLMAN Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THEBRITFARMER Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda. 2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die? 1st woman: I froze to death. 2nd woman: How horrible! 1st woman: It wasn't so bad . After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm &sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? 2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. 1st woman: So, what happened? 2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. 1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer......... we'd both still be alive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powerstarâ„¢ Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 Two muslims get shot in Tesco Every Little Helps Delete If Nesasary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 Some cracking jokes in here boys!!!....keep it up, makes a dull day more enjoyable :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MODELFARMER Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 Two muslims get Marky got shot in Tesco Every Little Helps Delete If Nesasary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MODELFARMER Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 Just wantin to see if he reads it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CCF Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 My, you and Marky! : I'd think you two were in love or something! * Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Udimore Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 My, you and Marky! : I'd think you two were in love or something! * Everyone loves Marky * NOT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 Everyone loves Marky * NOT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powerstarâ„¢ Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 Very nasty joke there Marky, I love you Marky, well if you let me take your scooby for a pleasent drive *whistles quietly and rubs hands together* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 Very nasty joke there Marky, I love you Marky, well if you let me take your scooby for a pleasent drive *whistles quietly and rubs hands together* Thanks Luke... the keys are in the post matey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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