CCF Posted October 9, 2006 Share Posted October 9, 2006 :D Seen that one before :D Good ones nonetheless mate :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 have a few more but there are in 'our area' see what Andy thinks first :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 have a few more but there are in 'our area' see what Andy thinks first :D Now I'm sorry to get all heavy Ben... but I must remind you that this forum also has kids on it as well... Right... sod it ... they should be in bed now.... POST EM UP THEN Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 ok, i'll move them over Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 Now I'm sorry to get all heavy Ben... but I must remind you that this forum also has kids on it as well... Right... sod it ... they should be in bed now.... POST EM UP THEN just read above ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 :D :D the statue one is superb... I've seen the rest before I think \ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Deere Hunter Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 powerstar like's jeffro as well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BGU Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 I wish it was a joke really!! What's the best antidote for sex??? A wedding ring! Another question - how come women don't fart in bed until after you are married? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 I wish it was a joke really!! What's the best antidote for sex??? A wedding ring! Another question - how come women don't fart in bed until after you are married? only one more to look forward to then :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powerstarâ„¢ Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 powerstar like's jeffro as well I do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powerstarâ„¢ Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 Santa Claus, a intellegent woman and a intellegent man were playing poker on christamas eve, suddenly the lights go off and when they come back on all the poker chips have gone missing. Who did it...? The man, because theres no such thing as santa claus and an intellegent woman :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 I wish it was a joke really!! What's the best antidote for sex??? A wedding ring! Another question - how come women don't fart in bed until after you are married? SOME women... wait until you have gone to the loo in the middle of the night and then fart on your pillow That had just GOT to stop Mrs F Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powerstarâ„¢ Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 Why do men fart more than woman? Woman don't stop talking enough to build up pressure Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MJB1 Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 Medical scientists have released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Concerned men should take a serious look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones(hops contain oestrogen's)& that by drinking enough beer men start to turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within an 1 hour period, It was then observed that100% of the test subjects : 1 argued over nothing 2 refused to apologise when obviously wrong 3 gained weight 4 talked excessivelywithout making sense 5 became over emotional 6 couldn't drive (can personally vouch for this , having been driven by barry in markys landy !) 7 failed to think rationally 8 had to sit down to have a wee No further testing was considered necessary . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james f Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 365 Times A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him." They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also." They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one." The man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 Medical scientists have released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Concerned men should take a serious look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones(hops contain oestrogen's)& that by drinking enough beer men start to turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within an 1 hour period, It was then observed that100% of the test subjects : 1 argued over nothing 2 refused to apologise when obviously wrong 3 gained weight 4 talked excessivelywithout making sense 5 became over emotional 6 couldn't drive (can personally vouch for this , having been driven by barry in markys landy !) 7 failed to think rationally 8 had to sit down to have a wee No further testing was considered necessary . Never again Marcus.... I promise mate :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IH885XLMAN Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 365 Times A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him." They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also." They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one." The man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow." :D :D :D :D :D :D :D I laugh because its true Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smallclaas Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 Quik one! Used to have a dog that chased people on motorbikes! Solution we took the motorbike from him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NIGEL FORD Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 Guy Ritchie is reported to have said yesterday "that's the last time I send the missus out with my credit card to buy herslf a new little black number." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deere-est Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 Quality Nigel, quality! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdc Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 One from the Tartan Terror to all you guys.... The Perfect Password: A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, she told him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he could remember easily and will use each time he has to log on. The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in.... P... E... N... I... S... His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied: ***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH*** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted October 21, 2006 Share Posted October 21, 2006 My mate is blind... he came round last night... I found him in my kitchen feeling my cheese grater... "Blimey Mark... this is the most violent book I have EVER read" he said Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farmernick06 Posted October 21, 2006 Share Posted October 21, 2006 Three men lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they passed a trial. The first step of the trial was to enter the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So, all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.The first one came back and said to the king, ?I brought ten apples.? The king then explained, ?Next, you have to shove the fruits up your butt without so much as an expression on your face, or you?ll be eaten.? The first apple went in, but on the second he winced in pain, and was killed.The second one arrived, and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1?2?3?4?5?6?7?8?and on the ninth berry, he burst out in laughter, and was killed. The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, ?Why did you laugh? You almost got away with it!? The second one replied, I couldn?t help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples.? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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