NIGEL FORD Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Just in case you haven't heard it: What's E T short for? Cos he's only got little legs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 Just in case you haven't heard it: What's E T short for?? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Cos he's only got little legs. Taxi for Nigel!!! :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deere-est Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 Three women in a lift, on their way to the office: One woman says to the other two, "Ugh look at that, is that a semen stain on the wall?" The second women bends down, give's it a sniff and says "Yeah it smells like it" To which the third women bends down, tastes it and replies "it isn't anyone in this building". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 Three women in a lift, on their way to the office: One woman says to the other two, "Ugh look at that, is that a semen stain on the wall?" The second women bends down, give's it a sniff and says "Yeah it smells like it" To which the third women bends down, tastes it and replies "it isn't anyone in this building". :D :D i like dirty jokes!....I'm sure there is a variation involving an Essex girl :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deere-est Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 That wouldn't be a joke, more of a true story!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james f Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 :D :D i like dirty jokes!....I'm sure there is a variation involving an Essex girl :D Here you go so: A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees thisHUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch member, 3 pound left ********, 3 pound right ********, Turner Brown." The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down andbrings him to, shaking him. The big guy says, "What's wrong with you?" In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?" The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me, I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my left ******** weighs 3 pounds, my right ******** weighs 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Brown." The small guy says, "Turner Brown...Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, "Turn Around!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deere-est Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 Excellent!! Brought tears to my eyes and I wasn't even in the lift!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tractorman810 Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 execellent james,nearly fell of me chair with that one i have one about micheal barrymore in the big brother house but andy would probally ban me for putting it on here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 execellent james,nearly fell of me chair with that one i have one about micheal barrymore in the big brother house but andy would probally ban me for putting it on here GO ON!!!! :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james f Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 Excellent!! Brought tears to my eyes and I wasn't even in the lift!! execellent james,nearly fell of me chair with that one Glad to oblige Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tractorman810 Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 GO ON!!!!? :D :D i ain't that brave did you here micheal barrymore was told of by the big brother judges the other day he was asked to use the ashtrays provided and stop leaving his used fags in the pool Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 Here you go so: A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees thisHUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch member, 3 pound left ********, 3 pound right ********, Turner Brown." The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down andbrings him to, shaking him. The big guy says, "What's wrong with you?" In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?" The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me, I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my left ******** weighs 3 pounds, my right ******** weighs 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Brown." The small guy says, "Turner Brown...Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, "Turn Around!" :D :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deere-est Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 TM - Brilliant. That joke is genius mate!! It's going out via text right now!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tractorman810 Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 thats wher ei got it from Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powerstarâ„¢ Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 Good old bit of chain txting going on then :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnP Posted January 22, 2006 Share Posted January 22, 2006 An oldie but goldie..... The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky-what you see?" The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars." "What that tell you?" asked Tonto. The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute, then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?" Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabe, you dumber than buffalo ****. Someone has stolen tent." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powerstarâ„¢ Posted January 22, 2006 Share Posted January 22, 2006 3 lads go in to a wood, they come across a magic pixie who says i'll grant you all 2 wishes each. The pixie looks at the first chap and says what's your wishes then mate? " I wish all the trees in the forest turned in to beautiful woman, and, all the plants turned in to beautiful woman" "Granted" said the Pixie. And true enough there were all these beautiful woman roaming around. The Pixie looks at the next bloke, "your go" he says. "I wish.. I had an unlimited supply of condoms and me and I never have to leave this paradise" " Granted " said the pixie. Now he turns to the last chap. " your two wishes" "well, I wish I had a motorbike, and that all the woman in this forest were *** men" ? :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMurF Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 something not to say to a *** bloke in a pub Would you like your stool pushing in Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 something not to say to a *** bloke in a pub Would you like your stool pushing in :D :D - that's a Text joke that one Smurf If ever I saw one - Just texting it now :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 I see Micheal Barrymore has been warned by Big Brother to start and use the ashtrays in the Big brother house and to stop throwing his used fags in the pool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdc Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Guy goes into a chemist and asks for some deodorant. Certainly, sir says the girl behind the counter, ball or aerosol? No, it's for my armpits. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powerstarâ„¢ Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 A blind man walks in to a shop with a guide dog on a lead, all of a sudden the blind man picks up the dog and swings it around his head rather violently, the cashier rushes over and says "excuse me what the hell are you doing" The man replies, "looking around" :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james f Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Marine Corp's General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio >the other day and you have to read his reply to the lady who interviewed >him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws > >you gotta love this!!!! > >This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of >National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US >Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop >visiting his military installation. > >FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to >teach these young boys when they visit your base? > >GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, >archery, and shooting. > >FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it? > >GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the >rifle range > >FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous >activity to be teaching children? > >GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle >discipline before they even touch a firearm. > >FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers. > >GENERAL REINWALD: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but >you're not one, are you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powerstarâ„¢ Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 :D :D Comeback and a half! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james f Posted January 23, 2006 Share Posted January 23, 2006 Here is a riddle for the true intellectual. Try to come up with the answer on your own...The answer is at the end for those who are unable to think this one through!! At the exact same time, there are two 35 year old young men on opposite sides of the earth: ? ? ? ? ? One is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers. ? ? ? ? ? ? ? The other is getting a blow job from an 85 year old woman. ? ? ? ? ? ? ? They are both thinking the exact same thing. What are they both thinking? ? ? ? ? ? ? Don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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