schw84 Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 U from norfolk smurf cos that sounds like a norfolk joke ha ha! hahahahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powerstarâ„¢ Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 A classic McMan joke that is :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 Being as it's budget day........ Gordon Brown!! :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMurF Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 Warning to moderators SWEARING IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED AND WILL BE DEALT WITH BY MEANS OF CRUSHED NUTS gordon is a moron oh please bring out jilted john again rather fitting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THEBRITFARMER Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 Three little ducks go into a Bar.............................. "Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck. "Huey," was the reply. "How's your day been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey. "Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?" "Dewey," came the answer from duck number two. "So how's your day been, Dewey! ?" he asked. "Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?" The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?" "No," she said, batting her eyelashes. "My name is Puddles." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THEBRITFARMER Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 New Sex Study... It has been determined, the most used sexual position for married couples is a doggie position. The husband sits up and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IH885XLMAN Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 New Sex Study... It has been determined, the most used sexual position for married couples is a doggie position. The husband sits up and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead you cut deep britfarmer as homer simpson would say"its funney coz its true " ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 Being as it's budget day........ Gordon Brown!! :D :D saying that..... John Prescott is a continuos joke :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james f Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his firstdrink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay. Swoooop! Two arms pops out. The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left....then to the right.... right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says... (wait for it) (it's coming! ) (Ya ready?) (don't hate me) (take a deep breath) "He should have quit while he was a head! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MJB1 Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 boom tish :D :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1/32 farmer Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 two rats in the london sewers 1 rat says : iv had enough, i have sh*t for breakfast ,i have sh*t for dinner ,and to top it off sh*t for tea 2 rat says : never mind mate eat up and we will go on the p*ss Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MJB1 Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years. Upon her return, her father cussed her. "Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru? The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....Dad....I became a prostitute...." "Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family." "OK, Dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give Mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye, Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath)....and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera and... ." "Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad. Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute, Dad! Sniff, sniff." "Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said 'a Protestant'. Come here and give yer old man a hug!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powerstarâ„¢ Posted March 23, 2006 Share Posted March 23, 2006 A Tax inspector came in to a synagogue in Barnstaple and came in inspecting the funds. "I notice theres alot of wax on the floor, what do you do with all the waste bits?" "well" I said " every month we collect up all the wax, and melt it in to one big candle and sell it off for charity" "I also notice you have lots of bread crumbs on the floor from communion, what do you do with the crumbs?" I reply with "Well every week we bake all the crumbs in to a nice loaf and give it to the Residential Home. "I also notice" he says "Alot of circumcisions have been going one around here, what do you do with all the bits of dickydoodler?" "well, every week we collect them all up , send them off and once a month they send a big pr!ck like you down to see us!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Marky came in the pub carrying a huge dog sh!t and said "look what I nearly stepped in" Marky rang up the Guinness book of records and said I've completed a jigsaw in 20 minutes and it said 4-5 years on the box Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THEBRITFARMER Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 A guy is 71 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up." He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up." He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog. The man said, "Are you talking to me?" The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll then give you more sexual pleasure that you ever could have dreamed of." The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket. Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will give you sexual pleasures like you have never had." He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THEBRITFARMER Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 She was in the kitchen doing the boiled eggs for breakfast. He walks in and asks,"What's for breakfast?" She turns to him and says, "You've got to make love to me this very moment". He, thinking it's his lucky day, stands her over the kitchen table and they have sex. Afterwards he says, "What was that all about?" She says,"The egg timer's broken". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Whats the sad face for Scott, it wasn't you was it?? :D :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MODELFARMER Posted March 25, 2006 Share Posted March 25, 2006 he he funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CCF Posted March 25, 2006 Share Posted March 25, 2006 Here's one i saw on another agricultural based forum I visit regularly: Atheist is walking through woods and comes face to face with big mean bear. He runs for his lfe, but trips. The Bear is about to grab him. The Atheist closes his eyes and screams, ?Oh God, help me.? The Bear stops, Clap of thunder, bolt of lightning, voice from above says, ?Now you call on me.? The Atheist says, ?Well, you?re right. I don?t want to seem like a hypocrite. Could you just make the bear a believer?? The Voice from above says, ?Done.? The Bear puts it?s paws in a praying position and says, ?Dear Lord, for the meal I?m about to receive, I thank you.? :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MODELFARMER Posted March 25, 2006 Share Posted March 25, 2006 yea seen that one its a gd one :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NIGEL FORD Posted March 25, 2006 Share Posted March 25, 2006 Bloke says to his wife as he comes in "Hi honey I've got a special treat for us tonight,... Olympic condoms. I thought we'd have the gold one tonight!" She replies "Oh I'd rather you have the silver one & come 2nd for a change!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powerstarâ„¢ Posted March 25, 2006 Share Posted March 25, 2006 Marky and his Mrs was trying out flavoured condoms, marky was busy unwrapping a tropical fruit one when his wife said "Oh Marky I like this cheese one" and Marky says "Hang on I havn't put one on yet" :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted March 25, 2006 Share Posted March 25, 2006 :D :D - Bloody Cheek Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powerstarâ„¢ Posted March 25, 2006 Share Posted March 25, 2006 :D :D All in good fun Marky Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted March 25, 2006 Share Posted March 25, 2006 Thing is... that really happened last week - have you been looking through my bedroom window again Luke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powerstarâ„¢ Posted March 25, 2006 Share Posted March 25, 2006 No just a report from Nath. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.