james f Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 Hey, can someone split this topic to keep it just for jokes? Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 Hey, can someone split this topic to keep it just for jokes? Thanks they are jokes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powerstarâ„¢ Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 Now that's a good joke well done James *I think that deserves a numpty, he didn't even read the topic!!!* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 Now that's a good joke well done James *I think that deserves a numpty, he didn't even read the topic!!!* Can we keep the Numpty topic just for Numpties please ... with James at the bottom of the list Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 Can we keep this topic just for jokes and not suggestions, numpty's and general discussion?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MODELFARMER Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 I hope this doesn't offend anyone: Request By The Penis The Penis requests a promotion and a raise for the following reasons: - has to work hard; - has to work at great depths; - has to work upside down; - has no ventilation or air conditioned environment at work; - has to work in a high humidity environment; - has to work at high temperatures; - does not get weekends and holidays off; - even has to work more at weekends and holidays - does not get time off after extra hours of work; - has a hazardous work environment that often causes professional sickness. Request Denied ... for the following reasons: - does not work 8 hours in a row; - does not answer immediately to all requests; - needs continuous attention to perform at work; - after a short activity period, falls asleep at work; - retires too early; - does not work at all unless pushed from behind; - does not leave the workplace clean after finishing work; - sometimes leaves work, too early Although it is noted that: Often arrives much earlier than expected Shows an inordinate keenness to work Willing to work at extraordinary times without much persuasion Happy to try out new jobs in different positions Prefers working without any special clothing Always happy to try alternative locations Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deeredriver Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 superb thx nick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CCF Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 I hope this doesn't offend anyone: Request By The Penis The Penis requests a promotion and a raise for the following reasons: - has to work hard; - has to work at great depths; - has to work upside down; - has no ventilation or air conditioned environment at work; - has to work in a high humidity environment; - has to work at high temperatures; - does not get weekends and holidays off; - even has to work more at weekends and holidays - does not get time off after extra hours of work; - has a hazardous work environment that often causes professional sickness. Request Denied ... for the following reasons: - does not work 8 hours in a row; - does not answer immediately to all requests; - needs continuous attention to perform at work; - after a short activity period, falls asleep at work; - retires too early; - does not work at all unless pushed from behind; - does not leave the workplace clean after finishing work; - sometimes leaves work, too early Although it is noted that: Often arrives much earlier than expected Shows an inordinate keenness to work Willing to work at extraordinary times without much persuasion Happy to try out new jobs in different positions Prefers working without any special clothing Always happy to try alternative locations Good lord Ricky, that is hillarious! :D :D :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james f Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Sorry about this but... Now that's a good joke well done James *I think that deserves a numpty, he didn't even read the topic!!!* READ THE TOPIC???!!! I PRACTICALLY CREATED IT!!! > Really, people sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Sorry about this but... READ THE TOPIC???!!! I PRACTICALLY CREATED IT!!! > Really, people sometimes. i thought fendt pwr created this topic : anyway there is nothing wrong with picture jokes, there as funny, if not, more than normal jokes, :D :P :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deere-est Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 A daughter phone's her mother. Adopt an Oirish accent, a little something like this "Mutha mutha I tink me waators 'ave brokin" "Ah be jesus lov dats great nyews, where ar ya ringing from?" "Frum me minge to me fookin ankles!!!!" :D :D :D DELETE IF REQUIRED MODS!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powerstarâ„¢ Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 :D :D Nice one Tris! Never fail to fish out a classic!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THEBRITFARMER Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 :D :D I immediately though of Barry when I saw this one :D :D http://www.rvi.net/~mdhorban/hybridmotorcycle.htm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 :D :D I immediately though of Barry when I saw this one :D :D http://www.rvi.net/~mdhorban/hybridmotorcycle.htm :D :D thats going round the office!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Udimore Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 :D Charming :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs P Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 Never try to outsmart a woman! There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die. I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket; his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to cl ose the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband." The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him." "You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!? "I sure did" said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it." ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Ford Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 now thats good Mrs P. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 Mmm, remember I only accept cash Mrs P !! : Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnP Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 A man asked his wife what she'd like for her Birthday, "I'd love to be eight again," she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up brightand early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He puther on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, theWall of Fear - everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolateshake. Then it was off to a movie - the latest Star Wars epic, and hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being eight again?" One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size." The moral of this story is: If a woman speaks and a man is actually listening, he will still get it wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMurF Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 A load of nunns gather in the convent Mother superior says to them that she has discovered a case of gonareah Another nunn says "Good cous i'm fed up with chardonay" Little johnny is walking down the street dragging a piece of string the vicar stops him and asks "why are you dragging that piece of string" johnny replies "You ever tried pushing the fu--ing thing" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Udimore Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Marky :D in Punta Gorda, Florida bought a brand new Mercedes convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it to 90 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head. "This is great," he thought as he roared down I-75. He pushed the pedal to the metal even more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. "I can get away from him with no problem", thought the man and he pushed the pedal to the floor and flew down the road passing 100 mph... then 110... up to 120 mph! Then he thought, "What the Hell am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing." So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him. The trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked up to the driver's window. After looking at the old man - then at his watch, he said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason that I've never heard before on why you were speeding, I'll let you go." The man looked at the trooper and answered, "Years ago my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back "Sir," the trooper replied, "You have a nice day." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MODELFARMER Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Hey funnie boy!! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Cheeky bugger... - Why pick on me again :'( :'( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Udimore Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Cheeky bugger... - Why pick on me again :'( :'( Cos i love ya * Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMurF Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Cos i love ya * And it would be rude not too "queue hopper" I just won't let it lie ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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