JC Posted September 13, 2006 Share Posted September 13, 2006 :D :D :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deere-est Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 Classic. ... I got a cough and that set me off a treat after breaking into a laugh!! Excellent Neil!! :D (Just joking CCF!!!! ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MODELFARMER Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 :D :D Mint Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CCF Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 Classic. ... I got a cough and that set me off a treat after breaking into a laugh!! Excellent Neil!! :D (Just joking CCF!!!! ) Good, thought so! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted September 16, 2006 Share Posted September 16, 2006 Very good indeed... I like it :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 If anyone is offended by this, send me a pm and I will delete it! 4 people are travelling on a train, an English man, an old lady, a pakistani and a very fit young blonde.... the train goes into a dark tunnel and they all hear a "SLAP". When they come out the other end of the tunnel the paki is rubbing his now red face. The old lady thinks; "I bet he tried touching the blonde up and got a slap".... The blonde thinks; "I bet he tried touching me up and got the old lady by mistake"...... The English man thinks; "I can't wait to get into another tunnel so I can slap that paki tw@t again" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 :D :D some great jokes.....Neil....less of the enters please : Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james f Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 :D :D some great jokes.....Neil....less of the enters please : NO no the spaces are what makes it good, it creates suspense. Corny ending but great joke neil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 NO no the spaces are what makes it good, it creates suspense. Corny ending but great joke neil Yeah but i have the FTF view on full screen, not minimised to view a few lines at once :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tractorman810 Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 what has elton john and richard hammond got in common? they both have skids on there helmets wipe it if its close to the knuckle lads Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rick Posted September 29, 2006 Share Posted September 29, 2006 Say hello to Marcus the new ladies man: :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC Posted September 29, 2006 Share Posted September 29, 2006 Say hello to Marcus the new ladies man: :D :D :D :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powerstarâ„¢ Posted September 29, 2006 Share Posted September 29, 2006 :D :D :D Nice one Rick!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted September 29, 2006 Share Posted September 29, 2006 will we see them on sunday :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deere-est Posted September 29, 2006 Share Posted September 29, 2006 Belfast train station has been rocked by an explosion and there are 46 people stuck to the walls and all up the inside of the roof. Police say it was the first no more nails bomb!!! :D :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IH885XLMAN Posted September 29, 2006 Share Posted September 29, 2006 Bloke goes into a Superdrug store and asks "Have you got any KY jelly?" The woman at the counter says"No sorry ,Have you tried Boots?" He says "I was hoping to slide in ;not fookin march in!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rick Posted September 29, 2006 Share Posted September 29, 2006 Marky and Ben again: Marky: Keep your peepers pealed Ben, Udi could be close by Ben: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh looky looky a big fat robin yummmmm Marky: Get a grip fur ball we on the look out for Bazza... Ben: Oh bother Marky: I SEE HIM!!! Look Benny just down the road!!!!!! Ben: Cor :o :o He's got his stormtrooper underpants on :o Marky: Quick get the litter box..... Ben: Me?\ \ \ Marky: Ok drop it as soon as he walks under the window; (Thud) Ben: Bulls Eye............ha ha ha we got him Marky :D Marky: na na na na na na na na......pwwwwwwwwwwtttttttttttttttt Lard butt Barry, whose a scared of the big bottom Bazza ... :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted September 29, 2006 Share Posted September 29, 2006 :D :D :D - Pops... you are a nutter :D :D Funny with it though... :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted September 30, 2006 Share Posted September 30, 2006 i agree thats made my day :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CCF Posted October 1, 2006 Share Posted October 1, 2006 Oh deere pops, we have to find you a better way to spend your free time :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete132 Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 ha ha ha ha thats a good one fb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james f Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from college. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed so Mbembe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot, and found a large thorn deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the thorn out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stared at him. For several tense moments Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later he was walking through a zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe and lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mbembe's legs and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing him instantly. Probably wasn't the same elephant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james f Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says "Daddy!Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. "You rotten S.O.B.," says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james f Posted October 2, 2006 Share Posted October 2, 2006 REDNECK JOKES: Did you hear about the Tennessee redneck who passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow? She can't touch it till she's fourteen. What's the difference between a good ol' boy and a redneck? The good ol' boy raises livestock. The redneck gets emotionally involved. What's the most popular pickup line in Tennessee? Nice tooth.(c.f. picture above!) How do you know when you're staying in Tennessee? When you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink" and the front desk says "go ahead". How can you tell if a Tennessee redneck is married? There is dried chewing tobacco on both sides of his pickup truck. Did you hear that they raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32? Seems that they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools. What do they call reruns of Hee Haw in Tennessee? A documentary. What do they call them in Kentucky? Life styles of the rich and famous. How many Tennessee rednecks does it take to eat a 'possum? Two. One to eat, and one to watch out for traffic. Where was the toothbrush invented? Tennessee. If it had been invented anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush. Did you hear about the $3,000,000.00 Tennessee state lottery? The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years. Did you hear that the Governor's mansion in Nashville burned down? Yep, pertinear took out the whole trailer park. What's the best thing to come out of Tennessee? I-40 A Tennessee State Trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40. He says to the driver, "Got any I.D.?" The driver says, " 'bout what"? A new law recently passed in Tennessee: When a couple gets divorced, they are still brother and sister. What do you get when you have 32 Tennesseans in the same room? A full set of teeth. Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator. Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive" The operator asked "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout I drag her over to Oak St. and you pick her up there?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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