marshman Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 brillant and very ture ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CCF Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 Sad but true, just have to love today's society! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britainswomble Posted May 3, 2008 Share Posted May 3, 2008 brillant and very ture ;D Ref 1957-2007.................had I said all that; no one would have believed me, and put it Down to the moaning old git syndrome. I started school in 1957 and everything mentioned about that year is spot on. What a sad old world this is now. Everyone is a terrorist, sexual predator or potential criminal of some sort. A child can have a serious accident in the school playground, and a teacher would be unwise to do anything more than dial 999 (Or 911) for fear of being sued or prosecuted should they have any contact with the child. They aren't allowed to clean or dress wounds, allowed to comfort the child or offer any constructive help perhaps other than help it stand up. I've had fights at school, got a thrashing for it from the head teacher, been made to shake hands and apologize to the other lad after our differences had been sorted out, and then sent on our way......together. Some of them became my best friends. At that time; it wouldn't have done any good going home and wingeing to your parents that the head teacher gave you a thrashing....................cos you'd get another one for getting into trouble in the first place. I'm glad I was young in that era. I'd only want to be young again; if I could go back to how things were when I was a child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnP Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 Officer, this is how the fight started... I rear-ended the car in front of me, I admit that, it was my fault. So, we both pull over to the side of the road and slowly the driver of the car I hit gets out of his car....and you know how you just get soooo stressed....and lfe... sometimes things change and life seems like..... suddenly funny ? Well, the driver of the car I hit is a DWARF ! He gets out of his car and I get out of mine. He is frowning and scowling and he storms over to me. Right up close to me he looks up to my face and says "I AM NOT HAPPY!" And I don't know what possessed me officer, but I look down on him and I said "Well if you aren't Happy, which one are you ?" ....and that's when the fight started....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SIMON. Posted May 5, 2008 Share Posted May 5, 2008 Crockery sale at A-rsenal's Emirates stadium 60,000 mugs but no cups :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IH885XLMAN Posted May 5, 2008 Share Posted May 5, 2008 Read in the farmers weekly that the welsh have found a new use for sheep .......its called .....meat and wool Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BERRY Posted May 5, 2008 Share Posted May 5, 2008 Crockery sale at A-rsenal's Emirates stadium 60,000 mugs but no cups :D same at liverpool simon :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SIMON. Posted May 5, 2008 Share Posted May 5, 2008 same at liverpool simon :D Yep just minus 15,000 mugs ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
batcher Posted May 5, 2008 Share Posted May 5, 2008 I will seek and find you . . I shall take you to bed and have my way with you I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan. I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop. I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you. And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days. All my love, The Flu Now, get your mind out of the gutter and go get your flu shot! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
batcher Posted May 6, 2008 Share Posted May 6, 2008 Hse Q. Why do women wear knickers? A. Because work place health & safety state all manholes must be covered when NOT in use ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gav836 Posted May 10, 2008 Share Posted May 10, 2008 Chav Jokes ;D What do you call a large group of chavs decending on somewhere (a pub for instance)? A Chavalanche If you see a Chav on a bike, why should you try not to run him over? It might be your bike. What's the difference between a Chav and a coconut? One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut. What's the first question at a Chav quiz night? "What you lookin' at?" Chavs in a car without any music. Who's driving? The police. What's the most confusing day of the year for a Chav? Fathers Day! How do you start an argument with a chav? Speak! What do you call a chav in a tastfully decorated house? The burglar. Why are Chavs like slinkies? They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs. What do you call a Chavette in a white tracksuit? The bride. What do you say to a chav at work? Can i have a big mac please? What do chavs use as protection during sex? A bus shelter! What do you call a chav in a suit? The accused Why do Chavs always travel around in pairs? One can read and one can write! What do you do if you run over a chav? Reverse just to make sure What do you call a Chav at college. The janitor. Where do Chavettes go for work? Street corners. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rabh7840 Posted May 10, 2008 Share Posted May 10, 2008 not a fan of the chavs either then gav Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simon Posted May 12, 2008 Share Posted May 12, 2008 I was so pleased to see sun was out this morning I thought I'd come in my shorts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted May 12, 2008 Share Posted May 12, 2008 A cruise on the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there are only 3 Survivors; Damian, Darren and Deirdre. They manage to swim to a small island and they lived there for a couple of years doing what's natural for men and women to do. After several years of casual sex, all the time, Deirdre felt absolutely horrible about what she was doing. She felt having sex with both Damian and Darren was so bad that she killed herself. It was tragic but Damian and Darren managed to get through it and, after while, nature once more took its inevitable course. Well, a couple more years went by and Damian and Darren began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing. So they buried Deirdre. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fendt-man-matty Posted May 12, 2008 Share Posted May 12, 2008 sick and funny at the same time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simon Posted May 12, 2008 Share Posted May 12, 2008 have you just changed the names Marky, to protect the innocent? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marshman Posted May 12, 2008 Share Posted May 12, 2008 ARRR markey thats sick, were did you get that from actually i dont think i want to no Very funny though :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
denis086 Posted May 12, 2008 Share Posted May 12, 2008 what you do in private is your own business Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted May 12, 2008 Share Posted May 12, 2008 what you do in private is your own business :D exactly... thanks Denis :D Good one hey lads :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
51MON Posted May 12, 2008 Share Posted May 12, 2008 top marks for that one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Ferguson Posted May 12, 2008 Share Posted May 12, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robbo Posted May 13, 2008 Share Posted May 13, 2008 You'll like this....it covers every political party !!!!! Amen SG Anyone tired with the political coverage yet... Party leaders Gordon Brown, Davic Cameron & Nick Clegg were flying to a debate. Gordon looked at David, chuckled and said, 'You know I could throw a $1,000 note out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.' David shrugged his shoulders and replied, 'I could throw ten £100 notes out of the window and make ten people very happy.' Nick added, 'That being the case, I could throw one hundred £10 notes out of the window and make a hundred people very happy.' Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his copilot, 'Such big-shots back there. I could throw all three of them out of the window and make 60 million people very,very happy.' I'm voting for the Pilot . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
batcher Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 A nude woman places a mirror on the floor of her bedroom and she is standing over it, inspecting her bottom side. Her husband steps into the room, sees her, and asks "Honey, what are you doing?" "I'm exercising" is her reply. "Carefull... Don't step in that hole." he says. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robbo Posted May 16, 2008 Share Posted May 16, 2008 A woman comes home and tells her husband, 'Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone.' 'No more headaches?' the husband asks,'What happened?' His wife replies,'Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to Stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat , I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' 'It worked! The headaches are all gone.' His wife then says, 'You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire In the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the Hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?' The husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his Clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her On the bed and says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.' He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps Into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife says, 'Boy, that was wonderful!' The husband says, 'Don't move! I'll be right back.' He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even Better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.' With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying, She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife!' His funeral service will be held on Saturday ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SIMON. Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 How do you get a fat bird into bed ????? piece of cake :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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