NCC Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 :D :D It's good ain't it. I think there is some more parts to it I think, but I can't find them anywhere \ \ :'( :'( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MJB1 Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 be a bit much to find it on cbbc then :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 thats great Nath, sent it around the office!, can here it on a few machines already! :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deere-est Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Glad you found that Nath, it's bloody hilarious!! :D My brother had it on his phone and it was 7mins long but when he Blootoothed it to me I knly got five minutes of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow. Doctor: How do you feel? Patient: A little down in the mouth :D : : Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 And todays big joke................. LYCOS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 been waiting a long time for someone to say that!! :D :D : Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pingu Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Quality nath just quality :D :D :D puts a smile on your face even if you do feel like i do :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james f Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Pikies, for all you english 'blokes': In October 2005 the travellers on a halting site asked their new clan Leader if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild? Since he had never been taught the ancient and mystical ways of the travellers from times past - when he looked at the sky and all around for signs he couldn't realy tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his clan that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the halting site should collect firewood to be prepared. But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone box, called the Met Office and asked, "Is da comin' wintur goin' to be cold?" "It looks like this winter may be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the Leader went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the Met Office again. "Does it still look like it's goin' to be a very cold wintur?" "Yes," the man at Met Office again replied, "it's now looking like it's going to be a very cold winter." The Leader again went back to his clan and ordered them to continue to collect every scrap of firewood they could find. Two weeks later the Leader called the Met Office again. "Are ya absolutely sure that the wintur is goin' to be very cold?" "Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever." "How can ya tell that?" the Leader asked. The weatherman replied, "The knackers are collecting firewood like crazy!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Pikies, for all you english 'blokes': In October 2005 the travellers on a halting site asked their new clan Leader if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild? Since he had never been taught the ancient and mystical ways of the travellers from times past - when he looked at the sky and all around for signs he couldn't realy tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his clan that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the halting site should collect firewood to be prepared. But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone box, called the Met Office and asked, "Is da comin' wintur goin' to be cold?" "It looks like this winter may be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the Leader went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the Met Office again. "Does it still look like it's goin' to be a very cold wintur?" "Yes," the man at Met Office again replied, "it's now looking like it's going to be a very cold winter." The Leader again went back to his clan and ordered them to continue to collect every scrap of firewood they could find. Two weeks later the Leader called the Met Office again. "Are ya absolutely sure that the wintur is goin' to be very cold?" "Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever." "How can ya tell that?" the Leader asked. The weatherman replied, "The knackers are collecting firewood like crazy!! :D :D i know full well who pikies are! :D : : Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 And hopefully you didn't find out the hard way........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Aunty Sharon..... A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs got broken. "What's the morale of that story?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher. Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'." "That was a fine story Sarah." Michael, do you have a story to share?" "Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunty Sharon. Aunty Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands." "Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?" "Stay the f**k away from Aunty Sharon when she's been drinking." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMurF Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 OLD ONES ARE THE BEST Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 Went down the pub last night and when I walked in there were two owls playing pool... ummm starange I thought... anyway - one of them goes up the bar to get the drinks, and I'm watching the other one who's on his last two balls - the games even's and it's getting tense.... Anyway... the owl by the pool table opened his left wing and moved his red ball in front of the corner pocket, folded his wing back and look round to see if anybody saw him... This kind of cheating to me was frankly unacceptable and un-sprotsmanlike. Angry as I was... I waited for the other owl to come back from the bar and I approached them... Oi mate I saw that I said... saw what the owl replied.. I said I saw what you did when your mate was up the bar buying you a drink... Didn't do nuffin the owl replied... Yeah you did I said, that two hits to him... he said two hits to who ? Say it out loud and it might be funny ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 ....That reminds me of the time I drove home from the pub when I shouldn't have done to get a book on birds to prove to my mate that a teet owl wasn't the most common owl in the world. [ [ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powerstarâ„¢ Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 Elton John goes in to a tatoo parlour and says "I want the make of my car tatooed on to my cock please" "Certainly the man replies, what make is it?" "Lamborghini" Elton replies. The man looks confused then says "wouldn't you be better off having Land Rover tatooed on it?" " Why in earth would I do that" Said Elton "well" said the man "I just feel it would be better at getting through all that sh!t" :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnP Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 A chicken farmer went into a local pub and took a seat at the bar next to a woman. He ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!" He turned and replied, "What a coincidence. This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating." "This is a special day for me too, I'm also celebrating!" said the woman. "What a coincidence." said the man. They clinked glasses and he asked, "What are you celebrating?" "My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today my gynaecologist told me I'm pregnant!" "What a coincidence," says the man, "I'm a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile but today they're finally fertile." "That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?" "I switched *****." he replied. "What a coincidence," she said Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 :D :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NIGEL FORD Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 Seeing the owl joke reminded me of....." what's the difference between a constipated owl & a bad marksman?" Well... a bad marksman shoots but can't hit! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pingu Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 :D :D :o If only i had a sense of humor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnP Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK old fart, time for you to retire." The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?" The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over.." The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop." The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start." The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - he blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Darn.....third *** rooster I bought this month." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CCF Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 :D :D :D Brilliant! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IH885XLMAN Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 Nice one John!! :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tractorman810 Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 score flash from the african nations cup in kenya gahna 8 ethiopia didnt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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