Udimore Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing. When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "What's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird. "I had tolio as a child," he answered. "You mean polio?" she asked. "No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes." When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again asked "What's wrong with your knees? They're all lumpy and deformed!" "As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained. "You mean measles?" she asked. "No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees." The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer. As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear. "Don't tell me," she said. "Let me guess... Smallcox?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing. When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "What's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird. "I had tolio as a child," he answered. "You mean polio?" she asked. "No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes." When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again asked "What's wrong with your knees? They're all lumpy and deformed!" "As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained. "You mean measles?" she asked. "No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees." The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer. As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear. "Don't tell me," she said. "Let me guess... Smallcox?" :D Superb Barry - 10/10 for that one - just on the phone telling that one now to all my mates Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CCF Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing. When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "What's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird. "I had tolio as a child," he answered. "You mean polio?" she asked. "No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes." When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again asked "What's wrong with your knees? They're all lumpy and deformed!" "As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained. "You mean measles?" she asked. "No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees." The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer. As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear. "Don't tell me," she said. "Let me guess... Smallcox?" Damn that was good, best joke ive seen for a long time Barry! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnP Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 nice one !! my contribution for the day..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rick Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 Peanuts goes missing: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjbs mummy Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 When I saw that one in a card shop it cracked me up ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NIGEL FORD Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 ' just heard that the Queen has had 30 Corgis in her time, which begs the question........... has she still got her Britains then? Sorry it is Monday morning! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 Nigel Nigel Nigel.... :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MODELFARMER Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 Starting to show your age mate??? :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P.Morrison Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 A lion, a gorilla and a chicken were bragging in a bar. "I am the greatest," said the gorilla. "When I beat my chest everyone backs away respectfully." "No, I am the greatest," said the lion. "When I roar everyone in earshot runs away screaming." "Ha!" said the chicken. "You should see the worldwide media reaction if I so much as sneeze..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james f Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 The Good, The Bad, The Ugly Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids Bad: You can't find your birth control pills Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them Good: Your son studies a lot in his room Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there. Ugly: You're in them Good: Your husband understands fashion Bad: He's a cross-dresser Ugly: He looks better than you Good: Your son's finally maturing Bad: He's involved with the woman next door Ugly: So are you Good: Giving the birds & bees talk to your daughter Bad: She keeps interrupting Ugly: With corrections Good: Your wife's not talking to you Bad: She wants a divorce Ugly: She's a lawyer Good: The postman's early Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47 Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas Good: Your daughter got a new job Bad: As a hooker Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients Way ugly: She makes more money than you do Good: You're son is dating someone new Bad: It's another man Ugly: He's your best friend Good: You're wife is pregnant. Bad: It's triplets Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ferguson Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 and as per usual everyone overlooks the youngest one. :'( :'( :'( ruskigman - russell/russ/ruski now put it on fergie man! he he he he h eh he he Poor old Russell... which reminds me of the joke - what do you call a man with no arms and legs in a bush - Russell * Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdc Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 Bird Flu Hits Paris! ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Udimore Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 :D NICE ONE John, reminds me of this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdc Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 I've grabbed that......I know a hen farmer who will like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 Bird Flu Hits Paris! ;D :D NICE ONE John, reminds me of this one. :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 excellent guys! :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THEBRITFARMER Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 A man scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive woman standing alone. He approached her and asked her name. "My name is Carmen," she told him. "That's a beautiful name," he said. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most - cars and men. What's your name?" she asked. "Beertits", he replied :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powerstarâ„¢ Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 6 illegal imigrants have been stealing in around UK cities, 3 of them have been caught and names have been revealed. Bin Mugging Bin Robbing Bin Stealing But no sign of: Bin Working Bin Helping Bin Kind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tractorman810 Posted April 15, 2006 Share Posted April 15, 2006 simple one for you all where do you take a sick bee to? the waspital Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruskigman Posted April 15, 2006 Share Posted April 15, 2006 Poor old Russell... which reminds me of the joke - what do you call a man with no arms and legs in a bush - Russell * or another good one is what do you call a man wearing paper underpants russell!!!! soooooo funny!!!!!! Im glad youve added me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Powerstarâ„¢ Posted April 15, 2006 Share Posted April 15, 2006 What do you call a bloke with a seagul on his head? Cliff :D :D :D - *cough* *Sniff* sorry lads \ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THEBRITFARMER Posted April 16, 2006 Share Posted April 16, 2006 A Nun is having a lovely bubble bath when suddenly there is a knock at the door. "Oh dear" she says, "Who is there?" Blind man comes the reply. Thinking to herself she says what could be the harm......"Come in" she replies. In walks the man...."Nice t!ts sister" he replies, "Now where do you want the blinds?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fenryk Posted April 16, 2006 Share Posted April 16, 2006 A Nun is having a lovely bubble bath when suddenly there is a knock at the door. "Oh dear" she says, "Who is there?" Blind man comes the reply. Thinking to herself she says what could be the harm......"Come in" she replies. In walks the man...."Nice t!ts sister" he replies, "Now where do you want the blinds?" Dawn French as the Vicar of Dibley told it better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FB Posted April 17, 2006 Share Posted April 17, 2006 Dawn French as the Vicar of Dibley told it better i agree Ryk :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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